Offering Forgiveness Is a Gift to the Offender . . . and to Yourself
Besides writing books and blog posts, I produce trade publications for the call center industry. At one time, I printed copies of my magazines. I’d mail these to subscribers and occasionally pass them out at industry conventions and trade shows.
Several years ago, the marketing manager at one of our largest advertisers placed a picture of his company’s president on the front cover of our flagship magazine, with the understanding it would be distributed at the industry’s leading annual convention.
I attended that event.
Yet the team that ran the convention didn’t distribute my magazines to attendees. I needed to find out why and fix it. Here’s what I learned:
The magazines weren’t distributed because the association hadn’t received them.
The association hadn’t received them because the printer hadn’t shipped them to the conference center. And the printer hadn’t shipped them because I forgot to order extra copies.
Even if I asked them to rush a second print run, the copies wouldn’t arrive until after the convention ended.
It was all my fault, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. It stands as my biggest blunder as a periodical publisher.
I went to the president of the company in question to report what I learned, to explain why the magazine promoting his image and his company’s message wasn’t passed out to the attendees as promised.
Though I don’t remember what I said, I think it was along the lines of, “The magazines weren’t passed out because I forgot to order extra copies. I’m sorry.”
I expected him to be upset, to be mad at me. He had every right to be. It was all my fault. But that wasn’t the reaction I received, not at all.
Calm washed over his demeanor. His eyes emoted kindness. In the gentlest of responses, he breathed four words I’ll never forget. “Peter, I forgive you.” These words flowed with compassion, covered with love.
Relief flooded my being. He granted me mercy, even though I deserved none. Telling me he forgave me was the biggest gift he could offer.
Though this happened many years ago, the memory of his response still makes me misty eyed.
I can’t confirm the source—though it may have been Marianne Williamson—who shared astute wisdom about offering forgiveness: “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.”
An alternate version states, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” Nursing a grudge is the outcome of holding on to unforgiveness.
When we forgive others for their mistakes—for their errors that affect us—we negate a poison that would hurt us if we kept it contained.
We must, therefore, forgive others who wrong us. We should do so quickly and fully. It’s for their benefit . . . and for ours.
Life Lesson
When we forgive others who have hurt us, we offer them a gift and benefit ourselves. They receive mercy, and we free ourselves from holding onto a destructive emotion.
Read more in Peter Lyle DeHaan’s latest book Sticky Living featuring his compelling story-driven insights and tips, part of the Sticky Series.
Peter Lyle DeHaan is an entrepreneur and businessman who has managed, owned, and started multiple businesses over his career. Common themes at every turn have included customer service, sales and marketing, and leadership and management.
He shares his lifetime of business experience and personal insights through his books to encourage, inspire, and occasionally entertain.