Saying “I’m Sorry” Is Good for Others . . . and for Ourselves
Navigating the healthcare industry presents formidable challenges. And that’s just to find the right provider who will, in theory, accept your insurance.
Even worse is paying for the services once rendered. It always takes several months and often requires multiple contacts to plead, dispute, or clarify.
One time I had two outstanding medical invoices, which I’d been working on for several months.
It would be far simpler to ignore the negotiated fees and pay the billed amount in full. But because I had healthcare insurance, I wanted to use it instead of capitulating to an unyielding bureaucracy that refused to correct their error. Right?
Another call to my provider quickly escalated into a confrontation between me and the provider’s rep. She threatened to turn me over to collections, while I begged them to allow me to pay the negotiated fee as payment in full.
She would have none of it. I may have raised my voice. I may have said some things I’m not proud of. And I may have ended the call with a complete lack of restraint.
I hung up with equal parts frustration and remorse. Having failed at my mission to resolve the pending bill or even move the situation closer to resolution, I was even more distraught at my uncivil behavior.
Three days later, I had new information and called back for yet another attempt. Because they’re a large organization, I’d never talked to the same person twice. I knew I’d reach a different rep this time.
Guess who answered the phone?
Yes, it was the same person I failed to treat with respect on my prior call. I groaned to myself when she shared her name. I had a split second to decide what to do.
Should I humble myself and apologize for my errant words or ignore my prior behavior with arrogant justification?
I sucked in a lungful of courage and opened my mouth. “Hi!” I said as positively as possible. “I talked with you a few days ago and wasn’t very nice. I’m sorry.”
She didn’t know what to say. Truly, she was speechless.
After a silence long enough to make me wonder if she was still there, she meekly said, “Um . . . thank you.”
A weight lifted from my being. My tense shoulders released, and my muscles relaxed. The tightness in my chest eased. My soul lightened.
Though I couldn’t undo my prior poor behavior, I had worked to amend it. Once accomplished, I felt better about myself and more distant from my past rudeness.
I don’t know how the rep felt about the situation, but I hope my attempt to right my wrong made the rest of her day go a bit better. I hope my words of apology will help ease the sting of when the next person isn’t nice to her.
Though I don’t know if me saying I was sorry was a factor or not, that day we moved closer to a resolution. A month later my healthcare provider accepted my healthcare insurer’s negotiated amount as payment in full.
We all know people who refuse to say, “I’m sorry.” Maybe they’re too proud. Perhaps they never learned how. Or might they not see a need to do so?
Other people do it wrong. I once knew a guy whose apologies were passive-aggressive. He’d say, “I’m sorry you misunderstood me,” or “I’m sorry you didn’t listen.” He’s getting better at giving a genuine apology, but at times he still struggles.
These various mindsets all reveal character flaws, but that’s no excuse. When we make a mistake, the right thing to do is apologize.
Each time we say, “I’m sorry,” makes it easier to do the next time we falter. That’s how we grow as a person.
Life Lesson
We need to strive to live a life that requires no apology. But when we fall short, we must be quick to admit it and seek to restore the relationship.
Read more in Peter Lyle DeHaan’s latest book Sticky Living featuring his compelling story-driven insights and tips, part of the Sticky Series.
Peter Lyle DeHaan is an entrepreneur and businessman who has managed, owned, and started multiple businesses over his career. Common themes at every turn have included customer service, sales and marketing, and leadership and management.
He shares his lifetime of business experience and personal insights through his books to encourage, inspire, and occasionally entertain.